The Memory of Closeness

Understand

The Vijñāna Bhairava does not set the intimate parts of life apart from contemplation. A small group of its methods treats closeness between people as one more place where awareness can be noticed, and this method concerns the memory of such closeness rather than the experience itself.

The idea, broadly, is that a remembered feeling can be almost as vivid as the original. When a memory of tenderness or deep connection returns, the tradition suggests attending to the warmth and absorption it carries, and to the awareness in which that remembering takes place, rather than to the story or the person.

Seven Doors offers this method to adults only, in a gentle, solo and non-explicit form. You let a warm memory of closeness come to mind, and then let the details fade into the background so that what remains is the feeling: warmth, softness, ease. Finally you notice that the memory belongs to the past, while the feeling, and the awareness of it, are happening now.

Memories of intimacy are personal, and their meaning depends heavily on context, consent and history. For some people they are simple and warm. For others they are bound up with loss, hurt or harm, and turning towards them deliberately would not be appropriate without support. Choose only a memory that feels simple and warm, and if none comes, that is fine. If painful feelings arise, open your eyes and let the practice go. The gentler practices of the Feeling door, such as entering an ordinary moment of joy, are always there instead.